Restriction

Imagine if a year ago I’d told you,
The world as we know it would come to a halt.
Incredulity, you’d meet me with.
Shut the idea tight in a vault.
But we see it now, it can happen.
So enmeshed are all of us each.
Things I used to take for granted,
Now suddenly out of reach.
I dreamt last night, I went to shop,
Walked the high street, tried on some clothes,
Then to a restaurant, a bar and a dance club,
From there only the taxicab knows.
Laughing with girlfriends unending,
Then they play my favorite song.
I think not at all of those near me,
As I happily sway along.
On another night, in sleep, I saw family.
Didn’t hesitate to hug and kiss.
Being close together, in person,
Felt like unadulterated bliss.
What a strange time we are in right now,
The ties that heal us, danger bring.
We need each other more than ever right now,
But how can you be there without sacrificing?
Work’s become my constant,
But how do I unwind?
All the ways that I enjoyed myself,
Present a painful double bind.
I look for the silver lining,
While I read myself to sleep.
If I’m honest, when this is all over,
There are some things that I would keep.
My time is all my own right now,
The “shoulds” have fallen away.
And in their place, a self-knowledge,
That’s surely here to stay.
A quiet peace I have right now,
Strangely, life is mine to embrace.
It’s a bit of a relief, I have to say,
Not always trying to keep pace.
But I miss you. Oh, how I miss you.
It’s not the same when you’re so far.
But no matter what, I am with you,
No matter where you are.

(Written for a friend in London as another lockdown began late fall 2020)